Something new, something old and something crazy!

It feels like forever since the last time I sat down and typed my thoughts. Maybe its me being busier than before or I'm just lacking the right kind of motivation. Nevertheless, I'm more than back and I got some stories to share!

I'm known by my family and friends to be an exceptionally determined person, but I personally see myself as the type who will take the leap in order to reach my goals and dreams. I've wanted million things in my life and like any other, I've been lost too. It's like you got million roads and options, but none feels the right one. Then there comes a day and it hits you like a wind straight through you. 

For a while now I've wanted to continue my studies and do masters. I wasn't quite sure when would I start my studies but I knew it had something to do with international field. I have a business background and I've worked in this field for years now. I wanted something different.

I was searching educations through Studentum.fi and I found few options just on the other side of the ocean: Estonia. I'm never a last minute type of a person, but applying to do masters in Estonia was definitely last minute decision. I ended up applying to Tallinn University. 

Photo taken by Ada Claire, http://www.firuzehphotography.com.

After this post I will write more about Tallinn University, Life in Estonia and how to mingle between work and studies. I've got plenty of things to share so I hope you all got the interest to follow up on my stories. <3

So.. why Estonia? Why Tallinn University? Honestly, I was desperate for a change. It's not like my life was boring or I had nothing to do, it was just that I needed to challenge myself. If one is just going to work, then home and repeat this for the next few years you will get a burnout or just stop living for yourself. Don't take me wrong, I love my job and I will gladly keep doing what I do. It's just that I needed to do this for myself.

I'm a free spirit and I can't stay in one place forever!

After searching for a while I send my application to Tallinn University and after the application period ended (which was the next day by the way :D ), it was time to send all of my papers. I was so anxious to know what will happen that I couldn't stop thinking about it for days! 

On my next blog I will talk about the application process and explain in more detail why I chose Tallinn University. 

From Finland to Kurdistan: Studying in the University of Kurdistan - Hawlér (UKH) part 2

I would underestimate myself if I said that the exchange semester in Kurdistan didn't have major impact on my personal growth. Because it did.

As I said on my previous blog posts, I didn't really choose to do my exchange in Kurdistan - I was forced due to having no other choice. But I am glad I had no other choice. I grew up between two cultures and I never really felt being a Kurd but rather a lost soul who tried to convince herself that she is a Finn no matter her appearance. But see, I am not just a Kurd nor a Finn and I realized this only after me exchange.

I was in my 20's when I flew to Kurdistan and as many others also I didn't really know who I am. It certainly didn't help that I didn't speak fluently my mother language. I started the semester in October 2011. I was really happy that all of the students in the university spoke fluent English therefore I didn't have to speak in Kurdish. Actually many of them didn't even know I'm a Kurd. I guess they thought I'm just another Western girl lost in Kurdistan. Only after few weeks I spoke in Kurdish and to the student's reaction I felt ashamed since my accent was funny to them. 

I woke up everyday before 8 am, had breakfast and went to my classes. The first day was terrible. I sat at the front of the class, opened my bag and grabbed my pens and notebook. I laid my pens on the desk in order and notebook next to it. I was surprised that none of my classmates had even a pen with them. So since day one I felt like a joke, because to them I was weird for carrying multiple pens.

I don't know if it was only this university, or the culture or the society but the amount of sarcasm was astonishing. Obviously I had no experience in people who made fun of others just for the fun of it so most of the sarcastic comments didn't even reach my understanding. Call it being stupid but honestly I just didn't understand where it came from. Sure its easy to pick on the new girl who didn't understand "the local way" nor spoke fluently her mother language. To be quite honest the first few months were hell to me. There wasn't a single day I didn't go back home with a sad face. 

One of the days that hurt me the most was a day when I went to uni with a skirt I thought was beautiful. Only few hours had passed when one of my male classmates came to me and said "Taj, you know that dress is too short and not acceptable?" I was shocked because honestly it was just above my knee. Then he continued "Everyone is talking about you and making fun of you." My eyes were filled with tears but I hold it in. I just excused myself and ran to the ladies room and just cried. To me that feeling was terrible because no one has ever told me how to dress plus I was just depressed so I just couldn't hold it anymore. It took me just 15 min to realize that I won't survive a week unless I start to live and act as everyone else does.

I texted that same male classmate and asked a ride home. He was so kind that of course he took me home. Once I got home I asked him to wait for 5 min. I went to my room, threw away the skirt and put on a dress with more acceptable length. I gathered myself and walked back to the car. He looked at me once and knew I'm going to handle this no matter what. We went back to uni and I walked to my next class without feeling a hint of awkwardness but I knew everyone was looking at me and that I had changed my clothes for a reason. Since that day I didn't let anyone walk on me.

First I asked my cousins to correct me each time I said something wrong, I asked them also to teach me how to read and write in Kurdish letters. I learned in less than few weeks. I started out by reading all the signs and rewriting song lyrics and let me tell you I succeeded so well that I even surprised myself!

After a while I started making friends who I had so much fun with. They showed me around, taught me how to behave in certain situations and most of all they taught me not to carry around a god damn pen because no one uses it there. :D My classmates and friends started to call me "gandal" which meant "corrupted", and I didn't mind it because it was true. I was corrupted by the society, the uni and even my friends. The only thing that mattered was that I accepted being corrupted because I wanted to be part of the society, to know my culture, language and roots. 

It didn't take long until I attended all the seminars provided by the uni, exhibitions and many other. I learned a lot during those 6 months but what I really learned was that each culture is different and even being a Kurd doesn't automatically mean you can handle the pressure. I certainly didn't but I learned to. 

To sum up I need to say that each and one of us should have the chance the explore themselves even if it means stepping out of their comfort-zone and exploring something new and maybe even awful. It all comes down to how will you act upon it. If I had truly gone the depression road I wouldn't have learned as much as I did, I wouldn't have learned the culture and the language and most of all I wouldn't be the person I am today. 

Have faith when everything seems hopeless and have courage when all seems to be lost because you never know what lies behind the closed door.

From Finland to Kurdistan: Studying in the University of Kurdistan - Hawlér (UKH) part 1

I landed to Hawlér, Kurdistan early in the morning on 1^st of September, 2011. I traveled with my mom and dad because apparently before I can officially enroll to the university I need my dads permission. I still remember how I was thinking where am I going that I need a permission for. Honestly I hadn't any good feelings about my upcoming exchange. Not at all.

With my parents the local Mall - Hawlér, Kurdistan, 2011

I was told that my semester would start on 4^th of September, which was a Sunday. I was a bit skeptic because why would anyone go to so class on Sunday?!  Nevertheless we went there on that Sunday and they told us we are one month early. I wish it had been just us being too early but no.. When we went to the admissions office they actually asked us "who are you exactly?". They didn't have any information about me and to be quiet frank they didn't even know what's the meaning of an exchange student. I was really disappointed and I just looked at my dad with the face "I told you so". 

Couple of days passed and my dad was calling professors, lecturers, admission office and then finally we reached the lovely Vice President of the university. She helped us and took care of all the necessary paper work. You might think why haven't we made sure of the necessary paper work before - but let me tell you: We DID! The head faculty of the Business & Management accepted me as an exchange student but for some reason the information hadn't gone to the admission. 

My exchange in the University of Kurdistan - Hawlér took place in fall 2011 until February 2012. My journey in Kurdistan had a rough start but once I started the actual studies it went down the hill in a blink of an eye. Hahha just joking. The 6 month in Kurdistan truly opened my eyes and the more I spent my days there the more I felt home. 

I had classes from Sunday (believe me, it was quite a surprise to me too) to Thursday. Even tho no one really did any studies on a Thursday because it was mostly just a day off to submit assignments. So for me Thursdays were "let's chill and have some tea at the University's garden". Also one of the few things that was quite cool was that I had a personal driver who picked me up every morning and took me home too. There were public transportation but women barely used to it due to safety reasons plus it wasn't proper if an unmarried lady used a bus. Obviously for me having a personal driver was luxurious because I've used public transportation in Finland since forever.. 

On my next blog I'll discuss the classes and teachers. :)

From Finland to Kurdistan: Exchange Program with University of Kurdistan - Hawlér

"But dad I can't leave now because I still need to do one exam"  

Which obviously was a big fat lie. I just wanted to stay for the Valentine's day party. It's almost 4 years ago when I did an exchange program with the University of Kurdistan Hawlér. To be quiet honest Kurdistan wasn't my first choice, not even second.

When I started my studies at the local university in Finland my main focus and biggest excitement was the chance to do an exchange somewhere in the world. When I explored all the possibilities I landed with a university in Dubai. Can you guess my dad's reaction?

"There is no way I'll let my daughter to be surrounded by Arabs!"

As if the Arabs would eat me. I wanted to go to Dubai because it was everything I wanted: booming economy, high class and of course the shopping malls! After a while I realized there isn't a chance to change my dad's mind. His decision was rock solid. Once my dad saw how disappointed I was he suggested why don't I go to Kurdistan. I was like "Omg what a typical Kurdish dad! Of course he suggests Kurdistan.." At first I didn't really like his idea and I told him many times that I don't want to go there.

My problem was my own university because as part of our degree we HAD to do an exchange somewhere, therefore without the exchange I wouldn't even graduate. Since back then I was such a stubborn girl that I told my dad I wouldn't go anywhere else than Dubai so forget it. Then my dad told me to give it a chance so after a while I said whatever, let's do it. It's not that I don't love my country but to me Hawlér was always just Middle-East; religious & uneducated, no women rights and definitely not a place I could feel comfortable with. Oh how wrong I was!

On 31^st of August, 2011 I flew to Hawlér, Kurdistan. 

To be more precise, I did my exchange here.

In the University of Kurdistan - Hawlér (UKH).

Before I got even accepted to do my exchange in UKH I had to do a lot. First I needed to prove my own university that UKH is legit. Imagine my teachers face expression when I told them where am I going. Nonetheless it took me almost half a year to communicate with my own university and with UKH before everything was settled.

After all the paper work I was ready to start my journey.

On my next blog I'll write more about how was studying and living in Kurdistan.

How to Reach Your Goals?

Yesterday we had dinner with my colleges at a Swedish restaurant in Stockholm City. While we were waiting for our main course to arrive, we were sipping drinks and talking at the same time. One of them said: 

"it would never be boring to be friends with you because one day you are moving back to Kurdistan, the next day you are planning to get your masters in Estonia and day after that all of your plans have changed."

I couldn't stop laughing. I laughed so loud that at one point it kinda got a bit weird. 

Thank god I know how to react fast so I replied: 

"BUT, I always have the same destination. The journey keeps changing because there are so many routes and I cannot decide which one is the best, so sometimes I choose all of them at the same time."  

Obviously at that precise moment I didn't think about it more than that. 

Seriously speaking, how many of you thinks about their goals and destinations every day? How many of you gets up, looks into the mirror and says "Today I am one day closer to my goal"? I bet not many. Tho I know there are some people in this world who are so determinant that their every breath is towards their goals. These people work day and night without getting tired or frustrated. Why? Because they are willing to work for everything they want.

I want to believe that I am this type of a person. I have my goal written on my forehead, stained in my heart and clear in my eyes. So how did I do this? 

The first thing I did was figuring out what do I want from life.

These goals don't necessarily need to be life changing, world peace or curing cancer -even tho they can be these too. Only you can set your goals and only you can achieve them. So make sure its for yourself and not for your parents, partner, friends or people you hate (yah, sometimes we want to impress people we don't even like!). Instead only focus on yourself. Take a deep breath and listen to your heart, after this start writing them down.

The second thing I did was to think of ways how to achieve my goals.

I think this is the most hardest part, at least for myself. Sometimes I think there are thousand things I want to do, million things I want to experience and billion things I want to learn. Life feels way too short! I guess in times like these we should stop and think for a second. We need to put our goals into sections and achieve them step by step. I know it can be hard sometimes but believe me when I say it will be much harder to look at someone who is living their dream already and you are just sitting there and doing nothing.

It might take even half of your life before you achieve your goals, but its much better to live a life with a purpose than wake up everyday without a good reason. Life doesn't necessarily have a meaning but you can change that. You can decide to believe in yourself and then focus on how to improve yourself to the person you want.

The third thing I did was maintaining my everyday life with my goals.

Never stop reading! I feel like sometimes we are forgetting how much there is still to learn and instead we spend all our days in Facebook liking idiotic photos, scrolling down Instagram over and over again and Whatsapping random stuff to our friends. Are we that afraid to sit down, grab a book and just relax? I'll make it easy for you. On your way to school, uni or work take a book with you. Instead of playing with your phone read a book for that 20 min. That's what I do and it really works. 

I didn't want to write very specific ways of reaching your goals, because I would be just lying to you and myself. No one can tell you how to exactly reach them, but what you can do is get to know yourself. Stay determined and make it happen!