From Finland to Kurdistan: Studying in the University of Kurdistan - Hawlér (UKH) part 2

I would underestimate myself if I said that the exchange semester in Kurdistan didn't have major impact on my personal growth. Because it did.

As I said on my previous blog posts, I didn't really choose to do my exchange in Kurdistan - I was forced due to having no other choice. But I am glad I had no other choice. I grew up between two cultures and I never really felt being a Kurd but rather a lost soul who tried to convince herself that she is a Finn no matter her appearance. But see, I am not just a Kurd nor a Finn and I realized this only after me exchange.

I was in my 20's when I flew to Kurdistan and as many others also I didn't really know who I am. It certainly didn't help that I didn't speak fluently my mother language. I started the semester in October 2011. I was really happy that all of the students in the university spoke fluent English therefore I didn't have to speak in Kurdish. Actually many of them didn't even know I'm a Kurd. I guess they thought I'm just another Western girl lost in Kurdistan. Only after few weeks I spoke in Kurdish and to the student's reaction I felt ashamed since my accent was funny to them. 

I woke up everyday before 8 am, had breakfast and went to my classes. The first day was terrible. I sat at the front of the class, opened my bag and grabbed my pens and notebook. I laid my pens on the desk in order and notebook next to it. I was surprised that none of my classmates had even a pen with them. So since day one I felt like a joke, because to them I was weird for carrying multiple pens.

I don't know if it was only this university, or the culture or the society but the amount of sarcasm was astonishing. Obviously I had no experience in people who made fun of others just for the fun of it so most of the sarcastic comments didn't even reach my understanding. Call it being stupid but honestly I just didn't understand where it came from. Sure its easy to pick on the new girl who didn't understand "the local way" nor spoke fluently her mother language. To be quite honest the first few months were hell to me. There wasn't a single day I didn't go back home with a sad face. 

One of the days that hurt me the most was a day when I went to uni with a skirt I thought was beautiful. Only few hours had passed when one of my male classmates came to me and said "Taj, you know that dress is too short and not acceptable?" I was shocked because honestly it was just above my knee. Then he continued "Everyone is talking about you and making fun of you." My eyes were filled with tears but I hold it in. I just excused myself and ran to the ladies room and just cried. To me that feeling was terrible because no one has ever told me how to dress plus I was just depressed so I just couldn't hold it anymore. It took me just 15 min to realize that I won't survive a week unless I start to live and act as everyone else does.

I texted that same male classmate and asked a ride home. He was so kind that of course he took me home. Once I got home I asked him to wait for 5 min. I went to my room, threw away the skirt and put on a dress with more acceptable length. I gathered myself and walked back to the car. He looked at me once and knew I'm going to handle this no matter what. We went back to uni and I walked to my next class without feeling a hint of awkwardness but I knew everyone was looking at me and that I had changed my clothes for a reason. Since that day I didn't let anyone walk on me.

First I asked my cousins to correct me each time I said something wrong, I asked them also to teach me how to read and write in Kurdish letters. I learned in less than few weeks. I started out by reading all the signs and rewriting song lyrics and let me tell you I succeeded so well that I even surprised myself!

After a while I started making friends who I had so much fun with. They showed me around, taught me how to behave in certain situations and most of all they taught me not to carry around a god damn pen because no one uses it there. :D My classmates and friends started to call me "gandal" which meant "corrupted", and I didn't mind it because it was true. I was corrupted by the society, the uni and even my friends. The only thing that mattered was that I accepted being corrupted because I wanted to be part of the society, to know my culture, language and roots. 

It didn't take long until I attended all the seminars provided by the uni, exhibitions and many other. I learned a lot during those 6 months but what I really learned was that each culture is different and even being a Kurd doesn't automatically mean you can handle the pressure. I certainly didn't but I learned to. 

To sum up I need to say that each and one of us should have the chance the explore themselves even if it means stepping out of their comfort-zone and exploring something new and maybe even awful. It all comes down to how will you act upon it. If I had truly gone the depression road I wouldn't have learned as much as I did, I wouldn't have learned the culture and the language and most of all I wouldn't be the person I am today. 

Have faith when everything seems hopeless and have courage when all seems to be lost because you never know what lies behind the closed door.

From Finland to Kurdistan: Studying in the University of Kurdistan - Hawlér (UKH) part 1

I landed to Hawlér, Kurdistan early in the morning on 1^st of September, 2011. I traveled with my mom and dad because apparently before I can officially enroll to the university I need my dads permission. I still remember how I was thinking where am I going that I need a permission for. Honestly I hadn't any good feelings about my upcoming exchange. Not at all.

With my parents the local Mall - Hawlér, Kurdistan, 2011

I was told that my semester would start on 4^th of September, which was a Sunday. I was a bit skeptic because why would anyone go to so class on Sunday?!  Nevertheless we went there on that Sunday and they told us we are one month early. I wish it had been just us being too early but no.. When we went to the admissions office they actually asked us "who are you exactly?". They didn't have any information about me and to be quiet frank they didn't even know what's the meaning of an exchange student. I was really disappointed and I just looked at my dad with the face "I told you so". 

Couple of days passed and my dad was calling professors, lecturers, admission office and then finally we reached the lovely Vice President of the university. She helped us and took care of all the necessary paper work. You might think why haven't we made sure of the necessary paper work before - but let me tell you: We DID! The head faculty of the Business & Management accepted me as an exchange student but for some reason the information hadn't gone to the admission. 

My exchange in the University of Kurdistan - Hawlér took place in fall 2011 until February 2012. My journey in Kurdistan had a rough start but once I started the actual studies it went down the hill in a blink of an eye. Hahha just joking. The 6 month in Kurdistan truly opened my eyes and the more I spent my days there the more I felt home. 

I had classes from Sunday (believe me, it was quite a surprise to me too) to Thursday. Even tho no one really did any studies on a Thursday because it was mostly just a day off to submit assignments. So for me Thursdays were "let's chill and have some tea at the University's garden". Also one of the few things that was quite cool was that I had a personal driver who picked me up every morning and took me home too. There were public transportation but women barely used to it due to safety reasons plus it wasn't proper if an unmarried lady used a bus. Obviously for me having a personal driver was luxurious because I've used public transportation in Finland since forever.. 

On my next blog I'll discuss the classes and teachers. :)

From Finland to Kurdistan: Exchange Program with University of Kurdistan - Hawlér

"But dad I can't leave now because I still need to do one exam"  

Which obviously was a big fat lie. I just wanted to stay for the Valentine's day party. It's almost 4 years ago when I did an exchange program with the University of Kurdistan Hawlér. To be quiet honest Kurdistan wasn't my first choice, not even second.

When I started my studies at the local university in Finland my main focus and biggest excitement was the chance to do an exchange somewhere in the world. When I explored all the possibilities I landed with a university in Dubai. Can you guess my dad's reaction?

"There is no way I'll let my daughter to be surrounded by Arabs!"

As if the Arabs would eat me. I wanted to go to Dubai because it was everything I wanted: booming economy, high class and of course the shopping malls! After a while I realized there isn't a chance to change my dad's mind. His decision was rock solid. Once my dad saw how disappointed I was he suggested why don't I go to Kurdistan. I was like "Omg what a typical Kurdish dad! Of course he suggests Kurdistan.." At first I didn't really like his idea and I told him many times that I don't want to go there.

My problem was my own university because as part of our degree we HAD to do an exchange somewhere, therefore without the exchange I wouldn't even graduate. Since back then I was such a stubborn girl that I told my dad I wouldn't go anywhere else than Dubai so forget it. Then my dad told me to give it a chance so after a while I said whatever, let's do it. It's not that I don't love my country but to me Hawlér was always just Middle-East; religious & uneducated, no women rights and definitely not a place I could feel comfortable with. Oh how wrong I was!

On 31^st of August, 2011 I flew to Hawlér, Kurdistan. 

To be more precise, I did my exchange here.

In the University of Kurdistan - Hawlér (UKH).

Before I got even accepted to do my exchange in UKH I had to do a lot. First I needed to prove my own university that UKH is legit. Imagine my teachers face expression when I told them where am I going. Nonetheless it took me almost half a year to communicate with my own university and with UKH before everything was settled.

After all the paper work I was ready to start my journey.

On my next blog I'll write more about how was studying and living in Kurdistan.

What's Up With 90's Generation?

I don't know if its the blood running through my veins or just the way I was raised up, but whenever I see strong women standing for their beliefs or fighting in the front-line beside men I feel a rush going through me. It feels like the whole world is counting on me to do something. It feels like I need to get up and stand for what I believe in.

"Live your beliefs and you can turn around the world"

                                                               Henry David Thoreau


What do I believe in then? A world where we all can live in peace. To some this might sound a bit of naive, but isn't that what we all want? There are young girls like Malala Yousafzai (who is my absolute favorite above all) that have dedicated her whole existence in protecting the fundamental right: equal education for everyone despite their gender. 

I have few fundamental beliefs as well and they are:

1. The right to live in peace
2. Food and water for everyone
3. Equal rights for education

It's been couple of weeks now - and no it's not my New Year resolutions - that I've been thinking a lot what's next. Many of my friends know me for being very determinate and always up to date with all of my future plans. Not to mention that I also expect a lot from myself too. Maybe its the fact that the world is going through a lot or maybe I'm just lacking some excitement. 

A year ago I didn't even have a clear vision what should I do in the near future and currently I feel like the whole world is sitting on my shoulders and expecting a miracle from me. Do you ever feel like there is so much you need to accomplish but so little time? Yah.. Time is seriously our number one enemy. While we are thinking what's next, time keeps passing us by without even feeling bad for us!

But then again, why are we rushed to know what we want to do for the next 40 or 50 years? Why living feels like mass production; born, go to school, work, get married, get a mortgage, have kids, work some more and then die. 

Well no. Just no. I have and will always refuse to be the typical Kurdish woman who by the age of 26 has already a husband and 3 kids. Also I'm not degrading women who do decide to do so, because I have great deal of respect for them. My own sister has 3 beautiful daughters and she is - after my mom - the best mom I've seen. So don't get me wrong. 

What I mean is why can't the rest of us break the rules and make room to follow our own road. 

From a young Kurdish woman's perspective It's quite hard sometimes. The first problem sometimes starts within your own family; there is your own dad who strongly believes that women are "weaker" and therefore needs "protection". Yah, surely we might be weaker physically but we can do much more if we are given the possibility to do so. Right now I'm talking from experience. There has been so many times that I've had to prove my dad wrong but once I managed to do that I opened a new door to my own road. 

We also have someone very special that balances "Kurdish problems" and that's our mom. Kurdish mothers always wants the best for their children, especially daughters. Personally speaking its always my mother who convinces my dad to let me pursue my goals. Tho this doesn't mean we don't have to anything. Oh yes we do. We need to show our parents every single day that we are worth the trust, we need to prove them with high marks and excellency. Pretty tough to be a Kurdish woman but that's what makes us extremely powerful. It's the fact that we need to constantly work hard and exceed all expectations.

Despite the hard work and the need to argue with my dad each time even on the most simplest things - makes everything much more desirable once I've actually met my goals. I guess what I'm trying to say here is LIVE. If you want to chill and just watch Netflix, do that. If you want to become a doctor, study hard. If you want to be the next Obama, get up right now. And if you just want to be you, then be.

Stop with all the fuzz and for once just breath.

Kurdistan is Our Home

The other day I came home from work and I heard my dad talking on the phone with our relative. They were talking about when would our relative leave Kurdistan for good and settle down in Europe, Finland.

The more I think about it, the more I want to know what our fellow Kurds back home really think about leaving Kurdistan. I asked the question below in a Kurdish group, and I got plenty of good answers!

After couple of hours few of the Kurds answered me with their thoughts and opinions. Many thought that leaving Kurdistan would never be an option and for some it would be the best decision they would ever do. So why is that?

"Kurdistan has a lot of problems but living in another country is even worse. Kurds living abroad usually have satisfied needs in term of their life needs, but they always have one problem: home sickness."  -Ahmed Duhoki

I personally grew up in Finland so I could say Finland is my home, but I can't because it is not. Surely Finland has given me everything and I can't show my gratitude enough, but there is always home sickness, a sense of belonging, shared culture and language. I am not alone in this, because many Kurds abroad share the same feelings.

"For many it's a golden ticket to a better life but of course it comes with lot of disadvantages too. Right now Kurdistan is a mess in the hands of the corrupted people so I am glad I chose to leave it but there are other times I think why did I leave my motherland, because at the end home is where your mother is." -Shaho Ahmed

 Indeed.. Home. Where is your home? Is it in Kurdistan, Europe, The States or Africa? Shaho Ahmed defined home to us better than I could've ever defined it. But what if my mother is here with me, in Finland? I still say my home is in Kurdistan and that will never change.

"No, we know the hardness of life out of Kurdistan but at least we know life abroad is fair."-Miran Shamall

"I've been in Kurdistan for 3 years and each day I hate it more and more. Imagine how the people who have lived here all of their life feel? Yes, they will try anything to get away from this hell hole." -Gilan Norie

Life is hard no matter where you are, it just depends on the perception one got. As Ahmed Duhoki put it "Building a good life can be done anywhere under any situation. It depends on how hard you want to build that good life", it all comes down to you personally. Some have seen the worst of life hence they would cherish every second of something good even if its 2 hours of electricity per day but then there are some who are so used to a good life that having everything is still not enough because they can't adjust to the Kurdish mentality. 

" I was born in Europe so I had no choice but I am grateful. I need to make enough money to be able to help my family back home." -Serxwebûn Agirî

"I went back with my husband and two kids, we both had offered great jobs, and it took us 11 months to change our minds again. Once you have seen both Kurdistan and another country, you really can't make up your mind. If I was living alone I would be living there but as a mother I can't just think of myself." -Shayma Sadiq

Those who left Kurdistan back in the 80's and 90's didn't really have much of a choice. Whose parent wouldn't want to provide their children a brighter future? Those Kurds who succeeded safely all the way to Europe are mostly there to do their best. But we will never forget our country, we will never stop helping our people because to us it will always be our home. 

"There are people who came back to Kurdistan and never wish to leave it again, some burn their passports, some lives like a king, and then some are ready to pay anything to get an European residency permit." - Soran Mohammed

 I'm not arguing that life ain't difficult in Kurdistan, but I am arguing on is leaving your home today really worth it? You could live in the middle of the desert or forest and still try to live a good life since as previously mentioned it all goes down to you. 

"Kurdistan is like a mother for us, even tho there isn't a quality life here, our soul will be hungry if we are far away from mother's lap. Even those living overseas will come back to their mother's hug." -Shahkawan H. Qadir

That said, Kurdistan is our mother land and we are Kurdistan's future. Kurdistan is and will always be our home and no distance can take that away from us. This is my home.

How to Reach Your Goals?

Yesterday we had dinner with my colleges at a Swedish restaurant in Stockholm City. While we were waiting for our main course to arrive, we were sipping drinks and talking at the same time. One of them said: 

"it would never be boring to be friends with you because one day you are moving back to Kurdistan, the next day you are planning to get your masters in Estonia and day after that all of your plans have changed."

I couldn't stop laughing. I laughed so loud that at one point it kinda got a bit weird. 

Thank god I know how to react fast so I replied: 

"BUT, I always have the same destination. The journey keeps changing because there are so many routes and I cannot decide which one is the best, so sometimes I choose all of them at the same time."  

Obviously at that precise moment I didn't think about it more than that. 

Seriously speaking, how many of you thinks about their goals and destinations every day? How many of you gets up, looks into the mirror and says "Today I am one day closer to my goal"? I bet not many. Tho I know there are some people in this world who are so determinant that their every breath is towards their goals. These people work day and night without getting tired or frustrated. Why? Because they are willing to work for everything they want.

I want to believe that I am this type of a person. I have my goal written on my forehead, stained in my heart and clear in my eyes. So how did I do this? 

The first thing I did was figuring out what do I want from life.

These goals don't necessarily need to be life changing, world peace or curing cancer -even tho they can be these too. Only you can set your goals and only you can achieve them. So make sure its for yourself and not for your parents, partner, friends or people you hate (yah, sometimes we want to impress people we don't even like!). Instead only focus on yourself. Take a deep breath and listen to your heart, after this start writing them down.

The second thing I did was to think of ways how to achieve my goals.

I think this is the most hardest part, at least for myself. Sometimes I think there are thousand things I want to do, million things I want to experience and billion things I want to learn. Life feels way too short! I guess in times like these we should stop and think for a second. We need to put our goals into sections and achieve them step by step. I know it can be hard sometimes but believe me when I say it will be much harder to look at someone who is living their dream already and you are just sitting there and doing nothing.

It might take even half of your life before you achieve your goals, but its much better to live a life with a purpose than wake up everyday without a good reason. Life doesn't necessarily have a meaning but you can change that. You can decide to believe in yourself and then focus on how to improve yourself to the person you want.

The third thing I did was maintaining my everyday life with my goals.

Never stop reading! I feel like sometimes we are forgetting how much there is still to learn and instead we spend all our days in Facebook liking idiotic photos, scrolling down Instagram over and over again and Whatsapping random stuff to our friends. Are we that afraid to sit down, grab a book and just relax? I'll make it easy for you. On your way to school, uni or work take a book with you. Instead of playing with your phone read a book for that 20 min. That's what I do and it really works. 

I didn't want to write very specific ways of reaching your goals, because I would be just lying to you and myself. No one can tell you how to exactly reach them, but what you can do is get to know yourself. Stay determined and make it happen!